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- Momma DramaLast Updated: 10/6/2011
Sometimes even when youíre anticipating something coming, when it does come, it kicks you in the gut and knocks the wind right outta your sails! Weíre dealing with having to make decisions for my aging mother, for taking her independence away from her, against her will. She has progressively made more and more decisions that have endangered her emotionally, financially and now itís moved into physically and we cannot overlook it any longer or leave it to her to keep spiraling downward. Sheís going to get hurt, and worse yet, possibly hurt someone else. She will not willingly give in. She has become belligerent and hostile and just downright mean to almost everyone, maybe it IS everyone. She hurls curses continually. Sheís abusive to everyone she talks to. She wonít eat. Sheís probably not taking her medications properly. She doesnít remember things from one minute to the next. She has kept driving and hits things regularly. She always blames the other person, even when, by chance, her accident winds up on the security video camera of the local Walmart from an accident in their parking lot. Now she threatens to drive off the dock if she doesnít get what she wants. That really is a problem since she lives right on the water. My brother found her outside in the middle of the road at 2am just standing there. He had told her that she could NOT go outside at night since there had been some car theft in their neighborhood lately. When he found her and asked what she was doing, she said she heard a car alarm and went out to see what it was. She was just standing there.
She recently escalated these behaviors when her husband of almost 5 yrs, for whom she has been the sole caregiver since they married, fell and broke his hip. He has Alzheimerís that has escalated over the last 3 years very rapidly. It was crystal clear that she was and is in no condition to continue caring for him. He already had a slot reserved at an Assisted Care Facility in a different state. He had come from another state to marry her. His kids wanted him there and it was really the best choice for everyone. Mom doesnít agree. She thinks because he can walk now, he should be back home. She thinks my sister sent him away. So she harasses her over it constantly. I tried to get her to come to my house and stay with me, even just for a little while, so she thinks Iím going to kidnap her. Because of her physical issues with her blood pressure, fainting and falling herself, sheís had multiple doctor visits lately. Every time she goes, she doesnít remember why sheís there and just complains how my sister sent her husband away, and I want to kidnap her. To be fair, I did tell her that when my sister has taken all that she can, I will come get her, whether she wants to come or not. That is when she started threatening to jump off the dock. My sister and her husband are both disabled and really already struggle on a day-to-day basis. Momís issues are draining her and perhaps escalating her own physical problems. She has been trying to warn me for the last 2 years, but I have just continued in denial, thinkingÖnaaaa, itís not THAT bad, weíve got lots of good years left before sheíll need continual care. Sheís usually been able to put on a pretty good mask for me when Iíve visited. Not-so-much anymore. Iím not ready for this. It really couldnít come at a worse time. Well, thatís not TOTALLY accurate, Iím sure it could be worseÖit can ALWAYS be worse, right? Mom & her husband went through so much money over the past 4 years that there is literally almost nothing left. We could not afford for her to go in a facility, which she would probably prefer. Considering her hostility, it would be a lot easier on our families if we could do that. She also has a dog that continually relieves himself in the house. If I bring her here, sheíll have to bring him. I really do not want THAT stress either. I couldnít ask her to get rid of him, as she does love him so much. Sometimes God doesnít call us to easy. Studying Jonah, a Life Interrupted with my new Ladies Bible Study group, it is OH-SO-applicable. I have to decide if Iím going to view this as a disruption, or as a Divine Intervention. Is this going to be a vehicle (like Jonahís whale) that I will allow God to use to get me where He wants me to be. Can I serve my mother and siblings by taking this on right now. It sure would be easier if she was nice and back to the funny person she used to be. She used to be the funniest person I knew. Every single visit we would laugh so hard and so long that weíd wet ourselves. Literally. Itís scary because at my age Iím realizing that Iím becoming my mother. We are so alike in so many ways. I hear her words come out of my mouth. My kids will say, "You said that just like Gan-Gan, thatís HER laugh!Ē I donít want to be mean, Lord, please help me. Do something in my heart that I will not be mean when I lose my mind. Maybe let me KEEP my right mind. Let my body go first. Itís sobering facing your own mortality. One of my friends lost her mother just this morning to death. Iím not ready for this. Are we ever ready for this? Iím supposed to be preparing for a midwifery Intensive training coming up in just a couple weeks. I cannot get my mind there, but I really need to. I will certainly not be on my A game. I feel a little bit like when I woke up it was supposed to be the beginning of spring. I was supposed to have two more seasons before winter came, and it should have come slowly. Instead I woke up dead in the middle of winter and I donít have the proper supplies or clothing. Thereís no wood for the fire, my sweaters and coats are still packed up. I still have my lightweight bedding on the bed. My fingers hurt so badly from the paralyzing cold and I donít have any gloves. I feel the biting ice on my face, ears and neck but I donít have a scarf or hat. Itís very surreal. I imagine itís like the seaweed Jonah may have felt in the belly of the whale. Iím so glad I trust the One who knows what the future holds. Iím so glad He will work all things together for my good. He will not leave me destitute; He will not allow me to waste away. He will shelter me with his Arms. I look forward to His guidance and His presence, for I know it is in the valleys He becomes more valuable to me. Itís definitely time for some Fernando Ortega!
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